that was then and this is now

it's 2:35 am and my mind is racing still. looked up a couple of friend's sites on the internet and found pics from last year. seems like it was such a long time ago. i stare at disbelief -- how many times in the 365 days of 2005 did i spend in drunken stupor? i don't even remember how being drunk feels -- haven't had a bottle of beer for 11 months now (because i'm breastfeeding). amazing how motherhood changes you. i stop and think, do i want to go back to that life? i click on the desktop icon and my wallpaper of vaughn's picture is smiling back at me with that ridiculous faux hawk that mark insists he sports. nah -- i don't want to go back to listlessly living my life looking for the next party, waking up with a horrible hangover, and doing the vicious cycle all over again. having a kid forces you to rethink your priorities and weigh the consequences of your actions very very carefully. it's not all about you now, another human being depends on your choices and the life path you choose to lead. shit that thought still freaks me out. *yawn* gotta get some shut eye, the boobman will be up soon and i wanna be awake for his satisfied coos and smiles =)