self esteem

dedicated to one of my dearest friends:

I wrote her off for the tenth time today
And practice all the things I would say
But she came overI lost my nerve
I took her back and made her dessert
Now I know I’m being used
That’s okay man cause I like the abuse
I know she’s playing with me
That’s okay cause I got no self esteem

We make plans to go out at night
I wait till 2 then I turn out the light
All this rejection’s got me so low
If she keeps it up I just might tell her no

When she’s saying that she wants only me
Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends
When she’s saying that I’m like a disease
Then I wonder how much more I can spend
Well I guess I should speak up for myself
But I really think it’s better this way
The more you suffer
The more it shows you really care
Right? yeah yeah yeah

Now I’ll relate this little bit
That happens more than I’d like to admit
Late at night she knocks on my door
Drunk again and looking to score
Now I know I should say no
But that’s kind of hard when she’s ready to go
I may be dumbBut I’m not a dweeb
I’m just a sucker with no self esteem

lol, you know who you are =)

on other news:

Steve, Rosalee, and I drove down from LA to SD last weekend to see Damon, Tiff, and their son Jack (Damon is one of my bestfriends in college) . Jack is sooo adorable! Steve and I are his godparents. Damon was in town for a conference and a job interview to become a professor in our alma mater San Diego State University...and after two days of rigorous interviews, he got an offer (btw this is such a huge deal because you don't become a college professor unless you have your phd)! i'm so happy for him -- he's gonna be a great teacher and lots of college girls will drool over him (lol, j/k tiff!)...i'm also excited about the fact that we'll be seeing more of each other in the next few years and our kids can have play dates with each other hahaha! congratulations damon! welcome back to SD.

after SD i stopped by the Valientes (family friends of ours) for Basti's bday. my sisters and their kids showed up during the day time for the kids party. and that night, the usual party crew were there -- when i arrived they were in the middle of a helium trip...they'd inhale it and start singing hhahahaha! it was so damn funny, especially when they sing the cheesy lovesongs with their high pitched voices! of course knowing the anal-retentive person that i am, i actually googled the side effects of inhaling helium and u know what party people? we're not supposed to inhale helium from a tank because it could rupture the lungs =(...balloons are ok because they're mixed with a bit of oxygen. hmmm, maybe we can just inhale something else next time hahaha! j/k! click on the link below to see some party pics (thanks tep and ron!)

http://www.pbase.com/teptep/bastis_birthday

$212 Million

If I win the lottery, this is what I'd do (in no particular order):

- pay off the debts of my family and friends and give everyone a clean slate (from a financial standpoint)

- take my family and friends on a carribean cruise!...or hire a boat and take everybody I know =)

- set up trust funds, college funds, buy life insurance for all of my family

- invest some of the money to mutual funds or conservative investments to ensure that me and my family and the generations to come would have money all our lives

- of course I'd give to charity but anonymously

- start some sort of birth control education/program in the philippines where the identity of the attendees and personnel are all confidential

- buy my siblings and parents houses

- buy rental property

- buy a beachfront home

- take my family and friends to europe!

- buy property in europe, especially italy, london, and france

- buy an original degas painting

- buy a yatch

- go to all the jazz festivals in newport beach, catalina, etc. in my new yatch hahaha!

- gift money to friends and relatives that's less than the taxable threshold so that they won't be
taxed! =P

- buy an island in the philippines

- hire a damn good lawyer to help out my friends with their US papers

So far this is it, haven't really bought a lottery ticket but well, I can always dream ;-)

heart's day and moving

belated happy valentine's day to all! our valentines was spent in ikea with gary and a 15 piece meatball dinner...gotta love moving! but mark didn't forget and gave me flowers for the occassion, i gave him a card and a jimi hendrix shirt =)

We are in the thick of moving! last night we spent the whole night assembling the stuff we got from ikea and figuring out the placement of the couch that we purchased from this really sweet couple who lives near our place. here are some pics of the empty apartment, i'll take pics after everything is nice and martha-stewarty (next week or so we should be done setting up).

btw, i decided to take pics at work since disney had a valentine thing at our lobby. there were cholesterol test, free cupcakes, and a photo op with mickey =) hahaha! my co-workers and i always jump at the chance for a photo op since disney has it done professionally by kodak. anyway, that's about it, gotta pack more boxes and point my finger at where to place things (mark won't let me lift anything, not even a bag of clothes, isn't he sweet?). till next!

p.s. can't find my v-day pics =( might not have uploaded it from my cam. we're moved but everything is still in shambles. i should be doing laundry but i'm lazy ... blech! i hate laundry. will write some more soon.
p.p.s. the pics layout are lame i know...can't seem to figure it out. suggestions anyone =)

Apartment Blues =(

I want to buy a house. If I have a house, I can paint my room hot pink, put a gazillion pictures (ala bucca de beppo walls) and not worry about not getting my deposit back if I don't spackle the damn holes. I can remodel and retile my bathroom in lime green, have friends over for an extended period of time, and most of all: not worry about getting evicted.
Apartment living is fabulous, as seen on popular shows like Friends and Sex in the City, but it's all candy coated bullshit. The reality of apartment living is, you have to cough up loads of cash when you move in (security deposit and first month's rent), then you sign a ten-page ball and chain 1 year lease basically barring any creativity you could possibly think of in your so-called new-found home. And it is especially worst if your apartment is ran by a property management nazi who's very strict about the month's rent and how many days guests can stay over, but can't even arrange for a decent plumber to fix a tub leak. Arrrggghhhh!

In the past few days I have been alternating between feelings of rage, frustration, and wanting to strangle the property management manager in my current apartment. But I'm over it, or at least I'm trying to get over it. We got the keys to our new apartment this weekend (I forgot to take pics, too excited to think!) so I'm finally gonna be able to move out of my horrible place with no heat, low water pressure (the water would literally trickle in the morning), teeny weeny closet, and nightmare parking (I didn't have a garage). While I was signing the lease to our new apartment I swore to myself "As God is my witness, I will never sign an apartment lease agreement again!" (think scarlett o'hara in GWTW hahaha). Enough venting, gotta pack.

P.S. I went to SD this weekend for Lori's baby shower (she's my SDSU college buddy, bestfriend extraordinaire, and VP of our coed fraternity from years past). If she'll send me pics I'll post it here otherwise, I'll write another entry about it and showcase some of the cute stuff she got that I want for myself! ;-)

Get Born

my favorite Jet song (less lyrics that don't apply to me):

Well I've been thinking 'bout the future
too young to pretend
It's such a waste to always look behind you
You should be lookin' straight ahead
Yeah, I'm gonna have to move on
Before we meet again
Yeah, it's hard If you had've only seen
Take control Don't be afraid of me
'Cause every once in a while You think about if your gonna get yourself together
You should be happy just to be alive
And just because you just don't feel like comin' home
Don't mean that you'll never arrive
Yeah I'm gonna have to move on Before we meet again
Yeah it's hard If you had have only seen
Take control Don't be afraid of me

i just adore jet!!! anyway, my friend monique (seen in the pic below) just called me tonight and it was so strange because i was just wondering how she was and have decided to write her an email to tell her my good news (she went back to the philippines a couple of months ago and now she's back on vacay)...then a few hours later she calls! weirdness!! -- monique likes to call it mental telepathy =) she was asking what i was doing and told me i had an hour to get ready because we're gonna shake our booties in LA. i never pass up an opportunity to go dancing with this gal because she's a lot of fun and has a whole lot of energy! she's the only one who can keep up with me on the dance floor and we also got kicked out of the Westin Long Beach one time for being sooo loud! hahahah! those were the good old days. i took a deep breath and told her about my pregnancy and she couldn't believe it...i guess i'm the last person on earth people expect to get pregnant (yea, even my family will attest to this statement). i used to party my ass off but now i'm home on a friday night typing away on my blog. hmmm, i guess i need to get used to this kind of life for the next, say...18 years? hahaha! nah, it's not as bad as it sounds. i guess at some point in your life you realize that you don't need to party anymore. these days i'm trying to mellow out and not do my thursday to saturday martini-chugging-club-dancing routine. not that i'm gonna be boring and stay home all the time! a girl's still gotta shake that thing ya know ;)

that's so brokeback!

disclaimer: this entry does not intend to demean, offend, insult, or discriminate against my homosexual friends, it's just an observation and my own thoughts about the movie. thank you.


after a recent trip to oceanside for my brother-in-law's going away party (he's going to iraq again =( i came home with a newly coined phrase for "that's so gay!" my sister suzette had mentioned that whenever they refer to homosexuality they now say "that's so brokeback!" derived from the movie brokeback mountain. i thought it was a really cool expression and something that can be a bit pc instead of saying "that's so gay" ... so now mark and my friends have picked up this new expression and it's now part of our day to day vocab. for those who don't know, here's a little synopsis of what brokeback mountain is all about:

'The lonesome chill that seeps through Ang Lee's epic western, "Brokeback Mountain," is as bone deep as the movie's heartbreaking story of two cowboys who fall in love almost by accident. One night, when their campfire dies, and the biting cold drives them to huddle together in a bedroll, a sudden spark between Ennis Del Mar (Heath Ledger) and Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhaal) flares into an undying flame. Both Mr. Ledger and Mr. Gyllenhaal make this anguished love story physically palpable. Mr. Ledger magically and mysteriously disappears beneath the skin of his lean, sinewy character. It is a great screen performance, as good as the best of Marlon Brando and Sean Penn. The pain and disappointment felt by Jack, who is softer, more self-aware and self-accepting, continually registers in Mr. Gyllenhaal's sad, expectant silver-dollar eyes. "Brokeback Mountain" is not quite the period piece that some would like to imagine. America's squeaky closet doors may have swung open far enough for a gay rodeo circuit to flourish. But let's not kid ourselves. In large segments of American society, especially in sports and the military, those doors remain sealed. Yet "Brokeback Mountain" is ultimately not about sex (there is very little of it in the film) but about love: love stumbled into, love thwarted, love held sorrowfully in the heart. — Stephen Holden, The New York Times'

this movie has been nominated for 8 academy awards and has naturally sparked my curiosity. mark is adamant about not seeing it so i think i'll just take my mom...hahaha! anyway, thank you everybody for posting comments! kristen, eileen, meriden: i got your emails and i will try to respond as soon as i'm done moving. pictures of the apartment coming soon...i might be able to get the keys this sunday or early next week yay! here are some more pics of my friend's birthday/superbowl bbq from my camera. you don't have to sign in or anything, just click on the grey button that says "view pictures" located on the lower right hand corner of the screen...till next!

teray.shutterfly.com/action/?a=8AZsXLFwzcM2oD

pics pics pics

ok i'm too lazy to upload pics here (no time remember?) so i'm going to mooch off my good friend stephanie a. (teptep) and post links to her pbase account where my face (and mark's) is predominantly displayed...enjoy =)

mark and i threw a party for new year's -- sort of like our last hurrah as a couple because we know we won't be seeing a lot of our friends when the baby comes...wait i take that back, actually, it's not our last hurrah, we're gonna throw a bunch of parties before the baby comes hehehe. click on the link below to see pics

http://www.pbase.com/teptep/new_year_2006

last weekend our friend bryan had a bday party/bbq/superbowl at his aunt's house. got a great turnout and had a blast! everybody was super excited about my burgeoning belly (it's really not that big yet but my friend held his ear on my stomach to see if he could hear the baby hahaha!). click on the link below to see pics

http://www.pbase.com/teptep/bryans_birthdaysuperbowl_party

and baby makes three!

i've informed almost everybody but for those who don't know, mark and i are expecting a little bundle of joy on august 22nd! we're very thrilled about this new development in our lives and have decided to move to a bigger place to accomodate our new addition =) we found a 2 bed 1 bath apartment in valley village with hardwood floors and an awesome courtyard. we fell in love with the place and decided to waste no time so we're moving next saturday! i will take pictures of the place and post it here. meanwhile, here's a pic of me at 12 weeks and our babe at 12 weeks (my co-worker has decided that she's going to take my picture every week and measure my belly against the door post hahaha!). hope everybody is well and enjoying every minute of life =)

love,
teresa